Can a relationship ever be the same after infidelity?
If you have ever experienced infidelity in your relationship, you would agree that it is one of the most hurtful things you can go through. From the moment you find out to the rush of emotions that flood in thereafter.
It is easy to assume that infidelity would spell an automatic end to a partnership, but it’s not that simple, explains Stacey.
When I was younger, to up and leave a relationship after infidelity was easier. As I get older I have become more mature in my understanding of infidelity. That is not to say that I excuse the behaviour, it just means, emotionally, I have invested so much in that relationship, that if my partner was genuinely sorry for his actions, I may take the time to understand.
The road to recovery may be tedious, emotional, and draining, but if both parties are keen to move forward, it can be done. When it comes to dealing with infidelity, while recovery is possible, rebuilding a healthy relationship is hard work. Hence why many couples turn to counselling for assistance.
Can a relationship be mended back to what it was before the infidelity?
This was the heated debate between Stacey and JSbu on Monday afternoon. JSbu believes that it is near impossible to recover from your partner cheating on you, irrespective of how much they loved their partner. Knowing himself, he could not fully forgive them.
Many psychologists have commented on the emotional damage that cheating can cause, including but not limited to the determent of one's self esteem. This can have a long lasting effect and the process of rebuilding that trust may take a very long time.
According to licensed marriage and family therapist David Klow, "couples do and can stay together after an affair, but it takes a lot of work to repair broken trust.” Klow says most couples don’t recover when one cheats but “those that do can emerge stronger from having gone through the process of recovering from the affair."
For Stacey, complete honesty from her partner would be key to rebuilding the relationship. She would want to know, painstakingly, every detail of the cheating, from when it started, how many times the cheating happened, and, more importantly for her, if he developed feelings for her.
Stacey and JSbu had the opportunity to connect with Durban North-based Counselling Psychologist Rakhi Beekrum, who weighed in on the matter: