"There's more to me than my weight, I also have a heart of gold!"
A personal story from the perspective of a woman who has been body-shamed for most of her life.
If I have to be truly honest with myself, I will admit that I was body-shamed throughout my teenage and most of my adult years.
All before I decided that letting other people impose their insecurities on me wasn't on my agenda. So, when I saw a schoolmate (Devashinee Bhoodoo) of mine share a Facebook post about being body-shamed, it triggered a big part of me.
What's worse is that her share came at a time when we are supposed to be celebrating women from all walks of life.
Check out her post below:
"When you’re a plus size woman like me, people often like to say "Yea ... she has such a pretty face” ... As if being full figured is such a disgrace. Honey, I’m cute in the face ~ and I’m thick in the waist ... I look good whether I’m in cotton, jeans or lace. I’m beautiful, vibrant, quite smart, and above all else I treat people with fairness and respect! There's more to me than my weight, I also have a heart of gold!! Yes, my clothes may be a bigger size, that just means I'm a bigger prize. We are not all self-conscious about our weight. So don’t think a smaller frame gives you more pull, I’m a fabulous curvy woman with a figure that's full, but I’ve ALWAYS believed that my heart is bigger than my waist - and that’s what matters most!!!" (Facebook)
So let’s lift each other up no matter what size we are 
... We all have feelings and should never be judged based on the numbers on a scale 
I used this as an opportunity to chat more with Devashinee, because I know that if I resonated with her post, then I am certain someone else did too.
And so, Devashinee shared her story with me in a nutshell.
"I wrote this post during Women’s Month because thousands of women are body-shamed, name called, and believe that there is no future/no hope for them. For me, it was also more of a reflection of what I had been through in my life and what I had overcome over the years. I wrote this post to break that myth – 'how you look determines your future'. I am so proud of my journey, where I was and what I have achieved.
"At times I felt low and depressed and never thought I could be where I am today. While growing up, people used to say I was 'Clumsy, a crybaby' and many other things. It was very hard to be a plus-size girl growing up in a world where people made fashion and other things around us look so easy. During my high school years, I would be called many names just because I was different, I was bigger in weight, and I was looked down upon for being a big girl. A few names I can remember were 'Bouncer & Big Show'."
Hearing names like this was not nice and it made me feel discouraged and depressed. People noticed my appearance rather than the actual person I was.
As I read Devashinee's words, I felt like a hypocrite. Even though I, myself, have been shamed over my weight, I felt like I was not there for another woman who was being ostracised.
Devashinee went on to share that she remembers a clear moment during her senior high school years when everyone was preparing for the Matric dance. And what saddened her was that as her friends and classmates were preparing for the dance, she was stuck in the fact that no one had asked her to go with them.
She felt out of place, sad, and hurt that she would not be going to her dance. Now, in hindsight, had I known she was consumed by these feelings, I would've loved to have encouraged her to go on her own.
When we are ridiculed and made to feel less than, it is easy for us to feel unwanted. But the truth is sometimes we don't need someone else to show us love, we need to show ourselves love.
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Sadly, she left school thinking it would be different, but it wasn't.
I would be called horrible names such as “Fat or Ugly Fat Girl” and many more questions would run through my mind: What am I doing wrong? How could I allow myself to get this big? Why aren’t people accepting me for who I am? Why am I being called names for my appearance? Why did God put me on this earth to hear all of this? All these questions would play on my mind, and it would depress me to the point where I would be afraid to leave to go anywhere with anyone. I tried all kinds of diets and exercising just to lose the weight so I could fit it and would be accepted… nothing worked.
It all came down to her parents' support. And with that, she overcame the shame and started on her journey of self-love.
This led to her meeting her husband and her parents who had seen Devashinee go through so much were overly cautious of his intentions. Assuring them that it was love, they married in 2015.
But, sadly, after marriage, even though he was speaking the truth and truly loved her, family and friends began shaming her.
Names like “Humpty Dumpty, Cow, Fat Thing or Fat One” and sometimes even meaner names would be used. All this coming from family and friends whom I thought accepted me, but never did. I felt like I was reliving all these years once again. I tried to ignore this, but the names just got more and more, and I couldn’t deal with it anymore. I would cry all the time and would use food as an escape way to remove the pain that I was dealing with. I would try to put on a smile every day but deep down I was hurting and feeling like I just wanted to end my life. I felt alone even though my husband, my parents, and the few friends I had was there, but I felt torn up inside and felt like no one was there for me. I was broken. How could people be so mean? How could people be so evil? What have I done to them for them to do this to me? For them to call me such names? It was not a place I wanted to be in. I wanted to just run away far from everything and everyone.
But don't be fearful, her story is not over. She worked on herself and positively says that it was the commitment to change her thinking that has allowed her to come into her own.
Now, she is not judged by how she looks, but rather who she is as a person.
I love myself and the body I have. The choice needs to come from within. The support from my parents together with my husband and my few best friends both personally and at work have really encouraged me to move forward and not to think about my past. People are never going to change for you; it is only you as a person who needs to make the change for yourself. I did exactly that and I am grateful for my journey. I changed for me.
She went on to share some inspiring words, words that everyone needs to hear. Both men and women.
"I have forgiven all those people who ever called me a name because they have made me the person I am today… Bold, Loving, Beautiful, Kind-Hearted, and Humble. We all should be treated equally whether we are plus-size males or females. We are all phenomenal people both inside and out and we shouldn’t let anyone tell us otherwise. We all have feelings and should never be prejudged or judged based on the numbers on a scale, it’s a person’s character and inner being which they have that should shine through always."
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